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The Arrival

To arrive at a certain destination in life is described as a person being a success at what they have accomplished in life. Success is where you can finally get to breathe a little or take a break from all the hard work. It also means to accomplish ones goals, the American dream, to own a house, and to be better off then the previous generation. The question that has been pondered is simply arriving good enough?

As I sit here at my desk as I do every morning I thought to myself I have finally arrived. I have arrived to the destination and place that I am meant to be. It’s been a long and hard road, but I am finally a self employed entrepreneur, and I am doing exactly what I’ve wanted to do my whole life. Although I didn’t really know it and it’s been a long road to finding this out but fate has finally stepped in. The thoughts of having a home based business enables me to pick and choose my time, to spend more time with the family. Being there at home when the children get out of school and making those doctors appointments. I get to do more with the children then most parents who work outside of the home.

Being self employed I have noticed that I seem to work harder now then ever. It requires discipline, sacrifice, and dedication. Self employment is not the only job out there that requires time but your finances depend on how hard you work. Just how much do you have to sacrifice or give up to finally make your dreams come true?

Most home based businesses or other upper management positions require at least 50-60 hours a week. It requires the ability to put things on hold, especially when you work out of your home. If you have children that are always running in and out it requires the ability to control your emotions and not let them get the best of you. The emotional toll it takes on a person can be quite substantial. Especially being interrupted when you are in your thought process mode and if you break it at that moment you may not get it back.

I remember one of those instances of losing track when my daughter interrupted me one day. She knew I had an aunt that I hadn’t seen in a while and she was under the impression that I didn’t know where she was at. So while I was busy working she knocked on the door again and in the usual tone of interruption I screamed what! This is when she told me she thought she found my aunt on one of those online databases. When she told me this it brought tears to my eyes as I could tell she was only trying to surprise and make me happy. It was then at that moment when I realized I was working way too hard and I really needed to get my priorities in order.

You miss out on some of the little things in life. For parents that have the younger children you may miss out on all of the firsts. The first tooth, words, crawling, or steps and so on. For the little older you may miss out on teaching them how to read, taking time bathe the dog together, or going for walks. Even more critical are the years right before becoming a teenager, the preteen years. Having “the talk” with them. Probably the most important talk you will ever have with them in their life. Keeping kids off drugs, premature sex, dating is not something to take lightly. It doesn’t stop there because in the years beyond it becomes a reinforcement issue. It is important to go to a few games, watch the ballet, cheerleading, choir, and how about a good old fashion bike ride in the park.

Not taking the time necessary reminds me of a song in the seventy’s called Cats in the Cradle. I am sure most have heard of it as there has been a remake or two. The father is so busy with his schedule that he had denied several requests from his young son to play ball or to spend some time with him. It didn’t seem to bother his son as he was very proud of his father and deemed that he would be just like his father someday. It happened just as he said it would; he did become like his father.

The boy now a man is all grown up with his own family to take care of as well as his own pressures in life. The father whose son has moved away and he is now lonely and wondering what he’s been doing. So the father calls him up one day and asked when he would come by. The son denies his request saying the new job is a hassle, the kids have the flu, but at the end of the conversation he says it’s been great talking to you dad. It occurred to the father his boy had grown up to be exactly like him.

You have heard the saying take time to smell the roses. You better do it quick because once they’re gone they quickly fade into the past. Just the memories last and if there aren’t any memories made there won’t be any to remember. Time is money we all know that but time is something else as well. Time is love, above all else. “It is the most precious commodity in the world and should be lavished on those we care about most. (Sidney J. Harris, “Money is Time,” Clearing the Ground, (1986).”

Take the time right now to plan the vacation or if that is stretching it, then stop what your doing right now and go spend some time with that child or give the other person in your life a hug. That’s what I am going to do after I come up with a fantastic ending to this article. Gotcha! I already had the ending in mind before I wrote it. The way I see it is that it just isn’t “good enough” to simply “arrive,” but rather if you enjoyed the ride.

NHL 2005: Who To Bet On

In the last 12 months the National Hockey League has undergone as massive of an overhaul as any sports league in the last half century. With revamped rules, a restructured salary system and a new television partner, professional hockey is the shell of the sport that locked its doors a year ago. The changes reflect the NHL’s new mantra - more scoring, increased parity and cost certainty. So forget everything you know or think you know about the NHL, which begins preseason play on Sept. 16, as even the most faithful and ardent fan has to admit that they have no clue as to how the game will look in 2005-06.

First, hockey viewers will have to get used to watching their game on a new station. ESPN took a gamble and refused to pick up the network’s option on the NHL’s broadcasting rights. The idea was that ESPN would be able to opt out of their deal, and then repurchase the rights at a substantially reduced rate. Instead, the Outdoor Living Network, a subsidiary of Comcast Cable, swooped in with a very lucrative offer and purchased the rights to broadcast the NHL regular season and playoffs for $65 million this season, $70 million in 2006-2007, and $72.5 million in 2007-2008. Not to worry though - Barry Melrose and his man mullet have signed on with OLN.

However, OLN only reaches an estimated 65 million homes throughout the United States and Canada. That’s a substantial reduction from the 90 million subscribers that ESPN boasts, and the 89 million viewers that ESPN2 can reach. Also, since ESPN doesn’t own the rights, the league shouldn’t expect too much coverage from those Bristol bastards. The new deal - while a relative windfall for a sport with flailing TV ratings - definitely relegates the NHL to Niche Sport status. Well, that and a 309-day lockout will turn off any fan base. Right now hockey’s popularity lies somewhere around the WNBA and extreme dodgeball.

Next, besides the ideological alterations that the league has experienced, there have been considerable changes to the practical aspects of the game. A competition committee revisited several issues that were pinpointed as problem areas during the pre-lockout days. The highlights of their adopted rule changes are:

1) No more ties. Instead of records that read like Lotto picks, the league has gone back to good ol’ fashioned wins and losses. At the end of overtime a six-player shootout will ensue, followed by a sudden death shootout if necessary.
2) Goalies will no longer be allowed to be built like Optimus Prime. Their allotted padding has been reduced 11 percent. The rule is backed by $25,000 fines and suspensions.
3) Goaltenders can no longer “freeze” the puck, and a trapezoidal area has been set up behind the goal line. The goalies are only allowed to handle the puck within that area when behind the goal line.
4) The offensive zone will be larger. The bluelines were each moved two feet closer to one another, shrinking the neutral zone. Also, the goal-lines have been moved two feet further from the boards, leaving more room behind the net.
5) The red line is gone, and two-line passes are now legal.
6) Other minor changes have occurred. There’s no flopping, a point of emphasis on clutching and grabbing, anyone who instigates a fight in the last five minutes gets suspended, no flipping the puck into the stands in your defensive zone, and no public complaints about the league.

The idea is that all of these rule modifications will open up scoring and increase the speed of the game. They’re hoping that the new NHL will be similar to the hockey played in the Olympics, which features more scoring and skill rather than neutral zone traps and the grind-it-out garbage that had permeated the NHL over the last decade.

Finally, a whirlwind of player movement has completely reconfigured the balance of talent throughout the league. Trying to figure out who is going where has proven more tiresome than trying to keep up with which pitcher Alyssa Milano is banging now. In fact, when opening night comes (the Rangers open against the Flyers on Oct. 5) most fans will feel like Guy Pierce’s short-term-memory depraved character in Memento. They’ll vaguely recognize where they are but have no idea how they got there.

I saw a post on another sports site that I felt best sums up the player movement that’s taken place since the league went back in business: “Don’t you feel like the new NHL is the equivalent of someone stealing your NHL ‘95 game for Sega, randomizing the rosters, and then giving it back to you?”

Laying a bet on NHL futures trying to predict who will hoist the Cup next summer could be a great opportunity to fleece some unsuspecting oddsmakers. But, as always, wager at your own risk. Here’s a quick overview on some teams that will be worth watching and could be worth the gamble:

Detroit Red Wings (17/2) - The favorites for the upcoming season reside in Hockeytown. It’s a terrible bet, and don’t bite. Yes the Red Wings were the best team in the 2003-04 regular season with 109 overall points, but perhaps no team was hurt more by the year off. Steve Yzerman is now 40, Chris Chelios is 43 and Brendan Shanahan is turning 37. The window may have closed for the Wings and their AARP roster. Also, Detroit has only about $7 million to resign Pavel Datsyuk (who’s said he’s not even close to a deal) and/or Henrik Zetterberg. This team has holes, and now they can’t plug it with money.

Philadelphia Flyers (9/1) - The Flyers waived goodbye to its nucleus of Jeremy Roenick, John LeClair and Mark Recchi. Their absence will open up the ice for young speedsters Jeff Carter and Mike Richards. Also, they managed to pilfer Peter Forsberg and Derian Hatcher, adding two of the top free agent talents to an already strong team. The Flyers should have a slight edge over New Jersey in their quest to defend their Atlantic Division championship.

Ottawa Senators (11/1) - The Sens were the top scoring team in the Eastern Conference in 2003-04 (262 goals), and they added the dynamic Dany Heatley in a blockbuster deal that included Marian Hossa. As long as no one asks Heatley to be the designated driver, he should add some more pop to Ottawa’s offense. Daniel Alfredsson led the team with 48 assists in 03-04, and will be setting the table for Heatley. This squad is deep and strong, and will be relying on Ray Emery and Dominick Hasek in the net.

Calgary Flames (13/1) - The runners-up to the 2004 champion Tampa Bay Lightning (man, that still sounds strange) will be even better this season. The key move they made was retaining superstar Jerome Iginla. Iginla was tied for the NHL lead with 41 goals in 03-04. The Flames upgraded the offense by bringing in Tony Amonte and Darren McCarty. Also, Roman Hamrlik was acquired to shore up an already stout defense.

New Jersey Devils (14/1) - This is a very interesting team going into the preseason. As Detroit and Colorado will be most affected by the salary cap, New Jersey will be most affected by the rule changes. Many blame the Devils for pioneering the neutral zone trap and the clutch-and-grab style that took over the league in the last decade. Offensively, they still have Scott Gomez (team leader in assists) and Patrick Elias (leader in goals and points) and I expect big numbers from both. They’ve won at least 41 games in each of the past three seasons, and with Martin Brodeur in goal they always have a shot.

Colorado Avalance (14/1) - The Avs still have Joe Sakic and Pierre Turgeon in the center, Brad May and Alex Tanguay on the left and Milan Hejduk on the right. So in other words, they still have a chance. Colorado has put up an average of 42 wins per year the last three seasons, and its core remains intact. Rob Blake is back to anchor the defense and David Aebischer is the man in the cage. I expect them to figure prominently in the Western Conference, but I don’t think they have enough depth to hoist the Cup.

Boston Bruins (15/1) - The Bruins were one of the teams that benefited the most from the outlandish free agency. They were able to lock up captain Joe Thornton for three years, and keep Glen Murray on the club. Also, they were able to add seasoned vets Shawn McEachern and Brian Leetch, as well as Alexi Zhamnov and Dave Scatchard. That talent infusion improves a team that was already pretty tough (defending Northeast Division champions). The pressure will be on Andrew Raycroft, the only goalie on the roster.

Pittsburgh Penguins (15/1) - The March of the Penguins back to hockey’s elite may start this season. Besides being a fiscal farce off the ice, they’ve been one of the worst teams on it for the past several years, managing just 78 wins in the last three seasons. They put up only 2.3 goals a game while winning 23 games in 03-04. But the Steel City won the Sidney Crosby Sweepstakes, and the “next Gretzky” gives them instant credibility. They resigned leading scorer Dick Tarnstrom and acquired Lyle Odelein, and that young talent may be ready to take the next step.

Tampa Bay Lightning (15/1) - Winning the Stanley Cup a few weeks before the lockout must’ve been kind of like winning the lottery and then finding out we’re going back to the barter system. Tampa Bay caught lightning in a bottle in the summer of 2004, and the defending Stanley Cup champions have brought back the principals involved in that run. Dave Andreychuk, Martin St. Louis, and Vincent Lecavalier are all back and ready to go. They roster reeks of old age, but they’re still the champs and should be shown the proper respect.

Anaheim Mighty Ducks (30/1) - Team Teemu returns as the head of the Flying V. Sergie Federov is looking to salvage a burnt out career, and Scott Niedermeyer should flourish in Anaheim’s wide-open attack. Also, the Ducks have a huge advantage with J-S Giguere minding the net. That’s one guy who won’t need the extra padding to dominate. A drawback is that they traded captain Steve Rucchin to the Rangers.

Atlanta Thrashers (33/1) - I like this pick for the value. The Hossa-Heatley trade was pretty much a push, but getting a solid veteran defenseman like Greg deVries in the deal may shift the advantage in the Thrashers favor. They already posses a young core led by the very talented Ilya Kovalchuk (team leader in goals and assists) and Hossa’s playmaking style (36 goals and 82 points) will fit right in. They signed Mike Dunham to mentor talented youngster Kari Lehtonen, and brought in Bobby Holik to add even more firepower. They might be a year away, but it may be worth it to take a $10 or $20 flier on them.

Hip Flexors - the Most Underdeveloped Muscle Group in Strength Training

Despite their importance to a wide range of athletic and sporting activities, the hip flexors are the most neglected major muscle group in strength training. It is very rare to find training programs that include hip flexor exercises. By contrast there is usually a great deal of emphasis on exercises for the leg extensors.

There are some obvious reasons for this comparative neglect. The principal muscles involved in hip flexion are the psoas and the iliacus, collectively known as the iliopsoas. Because they are relatively deep-seated rather than surface muscles they may have been overlooked by bodybuilders who have traditionally been the major innovators in strength training. Secondly, there are no obvious ways to adequately exercise them with free weights. Finally, these muscles do not have the obvious functional importance of their extensor counterparts. Yet, as antagonists, both hip and knee flexors perform a vital role in controlling the rate of descent and ascent in leg extension exercises such as the squat.

There is no corresponding problem of underdevelopment with the muscles responsible for knee joint flexion, the hamstring group. Because they cross two joints they are active in both leg extension and leg flexion. They act to flex the knee joint and also to extend the hip joint. Therefore they tend to be strengthened by complex leg extension exercises. Also hamstrings can be developed and strengthened through the use of the leg curl apparatus.

Strong hip flexors provide an advantage in a wide range of sports and athletic activities. In sprinting high knee lift is associated with increased stride length and therefore considerable attention is given to exercising the hip flexors. However, they are usually not exercised against resistance and consequently there is unlikely to be any appreciable strength increase.

Hip flexor strength is directly relevant to a range of activities in football. Kicking a ball is a complex coordinated action involving simultaneous knee extension and hip flexion, so developing a more powerful kick requires exercises applicable to these muscle groups. Strong hip flexors can also be very advantageous in the tackle situation in American football and both rugby union and rugby league where a player is attempting to take further steps forward with an opposing player clinging to his legs.

In addition those players in American football and rugby who have massively developed quadriceps and gluteus muscles are often unable to generate rapid knee lift and hence tend to shuffle around the field. Having stronger flexors would significantly improve their mobility.

It is commonly asserted that marked strength disparity between hip extensors and hip flexors may be a contributing factor in hamstring injuries in footballers. It is interesting to speculate on whether hip extensor/flexor imbalance might also be associated with the relatively high incidence of groin injuries.

Other sports where increased iliopsoas strength would appear to offer benefits include cycling, rowing and mountain climbing, in particular when scaling rock faces.

The problem in developing hip flexor strength has been the lack of appropriate exercises. Two that have traditionally been used for this muscle group are incline sit-ups and hanging leg raises, but in both cases the resistance is basically provided by the exerciser’s own body weight. As a consequence these exercises can make only a very limited contribution to actually strengthening the flexors.

Until now the only weighted resistance equipment employed for this purpose has been the multi-hip type machine. When using this multi-function apparatus for hip flexion the exerciser pushes with the lower thigh against a padded roller which swings in an arc. One difficulty with this apparatus is that the position of the hip joint is not fixed and thus it is difficult to maintain correct form when using heavy weights or lifting the thigh above the horizontal.

With the release of the MyoQuip HipneeFlex there is now a machine specifically designed to develop and strengthen the leg flexors. It exercises both hip and knee flexors simultaneously from full extension to full flexion. Because the biomechanical efficiency of these joints decreases in moving from extension to flexion, the mechanism is configured to provide decreasing resistance throughout the exercise movement and thus appropriate loading to both sets of flexors.

The absence until now of effective techniques for developing the hip flexors means that we do not really know what benefits would flow from their full development. However, given that in elite sport comparatively minor performance improvements can translate into contest supremacy, it is an area that offers great potential.

You Don’t Find All Drunks in the Gutter: The Story of a Functional Alcoholic!

Today, August 22, 2005, I am clean and sober for eight years which simply means today I am still an alcoholic and on this day I will choose not to pick up a drink. If you look at me today and compared my appearance to eight years ago you probably would not notice much difference (with the exception of a few more wrinkles). Back then I had a pretty high-powered job with a good salary and was working towards my master’s degree. Today I work as an administrator for a church and I am developing a life and leadership coaching practice. I am not attending school I am teaching at a local college as an adjunct professor. My life is probably just as hectic now as it was eight years ago. So the question is besides not picking up a drink what is the difference between then and now?

First, it is only through a graceful and loving God, AA, meeting rooms in which other alcoholics openly shared their faith, strength and hope, and a sponsor who saw right through my charade that I can claim eight years of sobriety.

Second, back then I thought I had control of my life and now I realize I do not and everyday I try to remember that fact.

Finally, I have come to learn the difference between change and transition and that has and continues to bring a new perspective to my life.

When I first started to attend AA meetings I remember thinking that the stories these people were telling about their lives aren’t even close to the life I live. I only drink a little and I am very careful to monitor it so I can maintain my image in the community and the church I attend. These men and women are talking about horror stories in which they lost their jobs, families, savings and literally their self-respect. I would question my sponsor about the possibility that maybe I really wasn’t a drunk. Maybe it is just in my head, that perhaps I could drink. He would just laugh and say the mere fact that you have to think about is evidence enough.

My sponsor used to ride in a Hell’s Angels motorcycle gang. He was one tough dude and probably the complete opposite of me or at least that is what I thought. I actually remember when I began looking for a sponsor God kept putting this man in front of me and I kept asking God to get him out of my way so I could find a sponsor like me. It is odd how I was looking at the outside appearance and God was looking at what was going on inside. I was working from my head (a dangerous place to be for an alcoholic) and God was working from my heart. As it turns out I was just like my sponsor and my sponsor was just like me, at least where it counts, in our hearts and souls.

For the most part of my life I really believed I was in control. Actually I suffered from an anxiety disorder and panic attacks so the only way I could live my life was to be in control, or at least I thought I was in control. Actually my behavior was more obsessive – compulsive than orderly. My daughters used to twist the phone cord when they got home from school just so the could watch me faithfully go to the phone each day I got home from work and untangle it. I would vacuum the rugs and then not allow anyone to walk on them. I would comb the little fringes on the ends of the rug. My drinking was just as tidy. I would only drink at certain times and at certain places. Even though most weeknights I would only have one drink or think one drink is all I needed. If the liquor bottle would be only three quarters full I would get another one just in case I decided to drink more and maybe run out. If I was going out somewhere to eat, to a party, trips for work, or vacations I could not wait for the moment when I could justify having that first drink.

As a functional alcoholic it wasn’t so much about how much I drank, I would do my best to control when I would take a drink or how much I thought I could safely drink and not get tagged as a drunk. Having an anxiety disorder that centered on low self-esteem and the fact I did not believe I was good enough as a person really helped to maintain my control. The issue with me was the fantasy or the delaying of that first drink. If I were traveling I would be thinking about when I got there and could have that first drink. If I were on a business trip my thoughts would be with once the business was conducted how great it will be to have that first drink in the bar. Many years ago I used to play softball and it got to the point I could not wait for the game to be over so I could go to the bar with the guys to drink. The issue was not just taking the drink but just as importantly, the permission to take the drink, albeit I set the rules in most cases. Unfortunately right before I went into AA I was giving myself more and more permission.

I was giving myself more permission because I was dealing with some changes in my life. Two months before I went into AA my mother passed away. My relationship with my father really was more strained then ever after my mother died. My wife had become ill and she began a month long stay in a hospital and as I had mentioned I was working towards my master’s degree. Spiritually I felt dead even though I was faithfully attending church and teaching Sunday school as though nothing was wrong. That is the point; it was becoming tougher and tougher to keep putting up a front or pretending the world was a great place, only to go home and feel so depressed and sad about life that I wish I could just run away and hide.

So what did I learn in AA? Although today I am intellectually describing the process it is obviously the heart wrenching desire for sobriety and the feeling that you have no other place to turn that is at the core of recovery. For me recovery is about understanding the difference between change and transition. We say we want to change our lives and often we do just that. Perhaps we take a new job, a new spouse, a new place to live, a new car, or we want to change our drinking habits. William Bridges in his book, “Transitions” says, “Our society confuses them (change and transition) constantly, leading us to imagine that transition is just another word for change…In other words, change is situational. Transition, on the other hand is psychological. It is not those events, but rather the inner re - orientation and self - redefinition that you have to go through in order to incorporate any of those changes into your life.” If you want to change your habit of drinking alcohol the solution is simple just don’t pick up a drink. If you want to get into recovery from alcoholism than as the saying goes you have to deal with the “ism” part. That means a life transition and now we are talking about a change of heart not a change of thought.

Eight years into recovery I don’t believe a day goes by that my head doesn’t try to tell me it is OK to have a drink, you probably weren’t an alcoholic anyway, it is not like they found you lying in the gutter. There isn’t a time when I am going to a party or getting ready for a vacation that I don’t think what is the fun of going if I can’t drink. But then there isn’t a day that I wake up that I don’t thank God for allowing me to be sober for just one more day. My father died just three years after my mother. I was a year into my recovery when I realized the problem I was having with him was not about him at all it was about me. When I looked at my dad I saw me and that is what got me so angry. That awareness gave me the two best years of my life with my dad. Now each day I see myself becoming more and more like my dad and I could not be more proud of that fact.

Years ago when the USA was seconds away from defeating the then USSR hockey team in the Olympics the announcer shouted, “Do you believe in miracles?” If you can find someone in recovery they will tell you all about their miracle. Remember God creates miracles and God resides in your heart, not your head. I believe in miracles, I am one!

By Robert Wummer
http://www.intersectionscoaching.com

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